Mummying

There's something about being a mum that just can't be explained or understood by anyone who isn't one. That's not to say that motherhood somehow is the exclusive completion of our womanhood, or that you aren't a real woman until you've mothered kids, it's just a fact that being a mum is something you can't understand unless you've been there and done it.


Motherhood is the most wonderfully, challenging, thrilling and rewarding adventure that God has given me to do.

If I'm completely honest I have to admit that I probably entered motherhood with mostly selfish motives. I always hoped that I would be a mum. Now I realise that my kids are one of the most significant tools God is using to make me less selfish! Some days I battle all the way, striving to be independent. Other days I am thankful for the chance it gives me to mould my character, to become more the women God wants me to be. Every day I try to remember this is a truly precious time of my life, and of theirs. And it is passing by so fast.

I went through a stage of wanting to have everything and also thinking it was humanly possible. To be a great wife to Wim, and a super mum to Esther and Tobias, but also to work part time in a very "useful"role as Director of a street children's program, be a great and faithful friend, answer all the emails in my inbox within a day of receiving them, remember everyones birthdays, always look at least semi good, keep a neat and tidy house and have an independent life where I had some free time for myself. Sounds ridiculous doesn't it? And yet I still believe it is the false ideal that many of us strive for.

The world tells us that as woman we can have it all. Be it all. What ends up happening is that we often feel like we're failures because we can't manage it all. It's crazy. But we keep trying for that great ideal, and suffering in the process.

But I digress ...

I have regular moments of missing my single, pre mummy days. I generally have one of those moments every morning about 6am when one of my two precious charges calls out very loudly that it's surely time to wake up now. Of course, in the process of their calling, they usually wake the other sleeping one, who wasn't quite ready to wake up at all ... and since I am not either, that makes two against one, but the waking done, there's nothing to do but get up and out of bed.


But even when I feel grumpy about getting up and getting going, there's wonderful moments. Like last week,when two year old Tobias screamed (and I mean screamed) into the early dawn "Mummy me get up breakfast now!". Although I was still half unconscious myself I couldn't help smiling as he devoured two huge bananas and then, mucky faced and with a mouth still full of banana said "fankyou mummy"and went off to flick through his books on the mat. Needs met, and completely unaware of his offensive disturbance to my sleep, he was totally content to start the day. And then there was his cute comment just today after waking up from his afternoon nap. Having been taken out of bed by his daddy he came looking for me. "Me wake up mummy,"and before I could even ask the questions, he had anticipated it like clockwork. "Me sleep good, fankyou".


His sister, Esther,at almost four, is occasionally even cheerful when the day dawns. "Good morning. I'm awake now!" brings a smile to my face every time she calls it out into the morning darkness. It's the kind of confident comment that comes from a child who knows that if she's awake, surely Mum is too, and it's just a moment before the day can begin together.

Esther and Tobias ensure that life is never dull. Take yesterday for example. Since we are staying at a friends place over the Christmas break, we have the delight of using the fabulous grounds of their housing estate. That includes a pool. Yesterday Esther jumped into the pool. The deep end. Without her floaties on, and without telling anyone she was going to jump in. It was only after a bit (I'm not sure how much) silence that her Dad wondered where she was, and saw her bobbing up and down in the pool trying, unsuccessfully to reached the edge. Then there was Tobias encounter with a nest of red ants, which to cut a long story short ended only when his pants were whipped off and he was dowsed with a water hose. Theses are the highlights, but there was also the discovery of a princess book, the watching of a new DVD and the chance to eat ice cream for dessert after dinner that all brought their own squeals of delight and made ordinary events into beautiful moments of memory for me.

Ah the joys and privileges of motherhood. You could give me the moon, or invite me to be the President of any land for a day, or offer the winning ticket of the lottery and I'd turn you down. It'd be harder if you gave me the chance of a perfect body, a little English cottage in Tasmania or a never ending packet of TimTams but if push came to shove, I'd still stick with my two precious little ones.


I've got it all here. All that I need and all that I want.